Story
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Elaine and Roger
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman
named Elaine.
He asks her to a movie; she accepts; they have a good time.
They continue to see each other, after a while exclusively.
Then, one evening a thought occurs to Elaine, and without
really thinking, she says
"Do you realize we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
Roger responds with silence. Elaine thinks to herself,
"Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he feels
confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him
into some kind ofobligation he doesn't want, isn't sure of."
But Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."
And Elaine is thinking,
"But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either.
Sometimes I wish I had more space, time to think about whether I really
want us to keep moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going?
Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?
Are we heading toward marriage? Children? A lifetime together? Am I
ready for such a commitment? Do I really even know this person?"
And Roger is thinking
"So that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started
going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which
means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I'm way overdue for
an oil change."
And Elaine is thinking, "He's upset. I can see
it on his face. He's looking at the clock. But maybe I'm reading this
completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy,
more commitment; maybe he's sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that
I'm feeling reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant
to say anything about his feelings. He's afraid of being rejected."
And Roger is thinking, "I'm gonna have them look
at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's
still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the
cold weather this time. It's 87 degrees, and this thing is shifting
like a damn garbage truck."
And Elaine is thinking, "He's angry, and I don't
blame him. I'd be angry, too. Gosh, I feel so guilty, putting him through
this. But I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure."
And Roger is thinking, "They'll probably say it's
only a 90 day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the meatheads."
And Elaine is thinking, "Maybe I'm just too idealistic,
waiting for a knight to come along on a white horse, when actually I'm
sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being
with and truly do care about, a person who seems to care about me, but
who's in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy."
And Roger is thinking, "Warranty? They want a
warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and
stick it . . ."
"Roger!" Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this,"
she says, eyes brimming with tears.
"Maybe I should never have . . . Oh, I feel so . . ." (She
breaks down sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool. I mean, I know there's no knight.
I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no white
horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" she says.
"No!" says Roger. He is glad to finally know
the right answer.
"It's just that . . . It's . . . I need some time,"
she says.
After a pregnant 15-second pause while Roger tries
to come up with a safe response, he finally he thinks of one that might
work, and says "Yes."
Elaine is deeply moved, "Oh, Roger, do you really
feel that way?"
"What way?" asks Roger bewildered.
"About time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his
eyes, unnerving Roger about what she might say next, especially if its
about a horse. At last she says, "Thank you, Roger."
"Thank you," he responds.
After he takes her home, she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets home, he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he's
never heard of.
But a tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something
major was going on back there in the car.
He's not sure what or that he would ever understand, so he decides not
to think about it anymore. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world
hunger.)
The next day Elaine calls her closest friends, and
they talk for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they analyze
everything Elaine said and everything Roger said, going over it time
and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances,
considering every possible ramification.
They discuss the subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never
reaching definite conclusions, but never getting bored either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day
with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, pauses just before serving,
frowns, and says,
"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
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